i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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