you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
