It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
