i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
