And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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