goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
