well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
