I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
