my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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