Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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