the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
