your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
