Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
