I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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