Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
