the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
