I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
