I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
