there was a trapeze. enough said
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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