Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
