I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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