I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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