I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
