at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
