The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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