so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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