I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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