Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
nutella sex= disaster
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
