Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
