This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
