the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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