Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
