I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
