I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
