I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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