Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
