Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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