My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
