Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
