Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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