there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
