Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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