My sheets look like a crime scene.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
