you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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