you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
