It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
