do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
