a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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