this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I could fuck to npr.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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