Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't deserve a penis
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
